SDOT's Covenant

We finally got our parking permit. It only took 4 months of haggling. It ended by stripping down the original design to a shell of it's former self. Gone is the dog proofing fence/pea trellis. Gone is the hardscaping along the curb. Gone is the oh so potentially slippery pebble mosaic. The last argument with SDOT involved the amount of hardscaping one can install without paying the 174 pieces of silver. The guidelines for the free permit say nothing about the amount of hardscaping allowed, only that it includes it. So, SDOT arbitrarily sets the rules. In fact, after plan number 3 was faxed in with a follow-up call to the head of engineering, "Liz" (remember Liz?) stated that as soon as they receive the $174 they'll send us the permit.

"But the guidelines for the free permit states that it includes hardscaping!" Roland complained.

"Oh, that only includes some hardscaping," answered "Liz." "You can install some flagstone."

So, upon faxing plan number 4, we finally received our permit. The free "Street Use" permit is 3 pages of font size 6 legalese and is best read with a jewelers loupe. It includes all sorts of things such as, terms, conditions and requirements:

1. SDOT is the supreme authority who rules over your parking strip right-away and thou shall not have any property rights before us.
   
2. Thou shall work within the requirements set forth within the Right-of-Way Improvements Manual.
3. Though shall be redundant and contact SDOT with all of the previously submitted information 72 hours prior to starting work upon penalty of $300 dollars.
4. Thou shall not block traffic without another expensive traffic blocking permit.
5. Thou shall not damage utilities upon penalty of fines and payment for damages.
   
6. Work performed within the public right of way shall occur in compliance with the City of Seattle Noise Control ordinance.
7. Thou shall not perform work during the holiday season only in specific downtown areas that have nothing to do with your location.
8. Thou shall pay our lackeys $150 per hour to come out when needed (such as when the neighborhood snitch strikes again) and inform you as to what you've done wrong in accordance to our arbitrary decision making abilities, misinformation and how anal we feel that day.
9. Thou shall not bear false witness towards SDOT and if you do. . .
10. Thou shall be responsible for legal fees incurred against such offense.
    

So after reading all of the commandments, we buried the papers under a pile on the desk and went to work. When it comes to property use, living in Seattle is not for the independent minded, which is why there is a paucity of Libertarians around, I think. But you know the saying, when dealing with lemons, make lemonade. So, we reinstalled the flagstone that was originally in the old mess, but now somewhat moved over for a larger planting area on the north side. Instead of the dog proofing God-forbid-fence/pea trellis, I planted a lavender hedge and mounded the soil up down the spine of the bed to discourage canine snooping. Along the ridge of the mound went 3 types of blueberry bushes: 2 Darrow Highbush, 2 Sunshine Blue and 2 Pink Lemonade in honor of our friends at SDOT. I lined them up along the top in order to make it easier to install netting (probably another God forbid), if needed. If burning bushes were edible, I would have planted those. I also installed some brick and stone around the sunken water meter box in order to keep the soil off of it and the water meter reader happy.

Blueberries like two things to grow well: acid and moist but well drained soil. I added spagmum peat moss and soil from my house up north and mixed it all together with the garden soil we brought in. The soil from my place has a pH of 5.2, perfect for blueberries, and along with the acidity and moisture holding properties of the peat, should provide a nice, cozy home for the blueberry bushes. It is important to thoroughly wet the peat down first in a bucket or wheel barrow because applied dry peat will suck all the water out of the soil and water starve any newly planted bushes. It's suprising how much water is actually needed to saturate peat. It takes a lot of stirring with a shovel along with a constantly dribbling hose, as peat looks wet on the surface until you stir it and find large dry areas.

Now, I'm perfectly aware that peat moss is not the most sustainable product, however, I only use it when absolutely needed for optimum growth of certain plants, like blueberries and heathers. This is the first bag I've purchased in probably 10 years. I've invested quite a bit of money in these bushes (even on sale), so feel justified in judicious use of certain organic soil amendments for optimal plant health.

Future plantings along the slope of the mounds will include other edibles such as lingonberries (Vaccinium vitis-idaea) and creeping raspberries (Rubus pentalobus). I would like to plant other shrubs such as currants, space permitting. North of the flagstone is tagged for larger crops such as the zucchini (the SDOT rebellion plant, remember?), artichoke and cabbage.

I'm considering taking out the 2 raised beds on the north end in order to provide more room for these plants, but that will be next year's project. It will probably require another permit as the current one is only good for 3 months. Best to work on the Sabbath, I think.

Bloomin' Bureaucracy!

If you think the lovely City of Seattle or government in general for that matter, can't get anything done on a large scale, try applying for a permit to landscape your parking strip. This process is a microcosm of the bigger picture and pretty much illustrates the inefficiencies and dysfunctions pervasive in our government system.

After years of out of control grasses, daisies, black-eyed Susans and dandelions in the parking strip, we finally pinned down Dr. Dirt who happens to live 2 blocks away to come over with his excavator and dig it all out. He hauled the refuse away and brought back 6 yards of soil. We had visions of large edible annuals, blueberries and espaliered apples planted in order to expand our food supply and beautify the area. We wanted to build a small fence along the length on the sidewalk side in order to keep out the K9P. I had visions of a stone mosaic border between the fence and the sidewalk (to accommodate the one foot setback required) and bricks along the parking area as a firm walkway. It was going to be beautiful. Then SDOT showed up.

I wasn't present, but while Roland was working out in the yard, some woman from SDOT appears out of the blue (they know, somehow they know) and tells him that we can't do anything until we have a permit and have to cover the new soil with a tarp so it doesn't run out into the street, less we get a large fine. She also stated that we have to have a 3 foot set back from the street, and a one foot setback from the sidewalk (that's 6 feet wide) less someone trips over something. We can't plant any fruiting trees. She also informed us that the City owns 2 feet of land on the house side of the sidewalk (city right-of-way). When Roland asked her about all of the non-compliant parking strips just on our block she replied, "Well, those people didn't get caught and we don't make them tear it out (our 2 raised beds in the strip are non-compliant - oh, darn)."

"Then, how do people know that they need one?"

"Well, it's always been the law and we don't do a very good job at letting people know that they need one."

At least the thing is free. So, like good little proletariat citizens, we went to the SDOT web site and filled out all of the on-line forms. Around a week later, we got a computer generated e-mail stating that our permit has been approved and go to such-and-such link for the details. It ended up being the link to nowhere. The next e-mail from a "Rex" stated that he needs a sight plan (surprisingly, he didn't need GPS coordinates, satellite photos, and a note from Roland's mother). So, having been a draftsman in a previous life, I drew up the plans to scale and we faxed them off to "Rex." After a week or so, we didn't hear anything back from "Rex" and when Roland called in on several occasions, "Rex" was on vacation, took the day off, out to lunch, etc., etc. Finally, he made a WTF call and was told that "Rex" was "on (perpetual) vacation and that our permit application would be handled by "Liz." Roland was told that "Liz" would get back to him. In the mean-time they asked Roland to re-fax the plan to "Liz" because they claimed they never received the one sent to "Rex." She actually did send an e-mail to Roland confirming that they got the plan, bless her heart.

Several weeks went by and no "Liz" call. Instead, "Jennifer" calls back and says, "All my God, there's a fence on your site plan! You can't do a fence blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...the worlds going to come to an end....It's a $174 fee for the permit." So I redrew the plan, and fence was transformed into a pea trellis. Roland faxed the revisions off to "Jennifer." Apparently, "Jennifer" got swallowed by the computer generated paperwork monster and has disappeared.
We never heard from "Jennifer" again.

In the mean-time, Roland gets 3 more computer generated e-mails telling us that we haven't given them a start date nor scheduled an inspection for permit number blah, blah, blah and a 4th e-mail threatens us with massive fines with if we do any work, block traffic, or obstruct the freeway. etc:

Our records indicate that you have not performed any action on your permit application for at least 10 days. Please provide the following: JOB START CALL REQUIRED FIELD REVIEW If you no longer wish to obtain this permit, please respond to this e-mail to notify us that you wish to cancel the application. Your permit application may be cancelled after ninety days if we do not hear from you. To review the status of your permit application, please go to: http://olp.seattle.gov/DP1/Metroplex/seattle/login/wiz_login.asp

and,

Before beginning work in the right-of-way, you must notify Street Use to verify your start date. Notice must be provided 24-72 hours prior to the start of work. The notification must include: 1. Permit Number 2. Job Site Address 3. Start Date 4. Brief description of work 5. Job site contact name, phone number and email address If you do not fulfill this requirement, a No Job Start penalty fee will be assessed in the amount of $300, or such other amount as may be established in accordance with SMC 15.04.074.

Two weeks later on Monday, Roland makes another WTF phone call directly to SDOT questioning the e-mails and the lady on the other end says, "OMG, your permit hasn't been approved! Don't touch anything, don't plant anything, don't walk on it diagonally, breath on it, don't look at it for more than 60 seconds!" She also stated that the e-mails don't mean anything. She then transfers Roland to "Liz" and he gets her voice-mail and leaves a WTF message . "Liz" finally calls back the following Friday afternoon.

Happy, bubbly "Liz" said that she would allow a fence up to 18 inches tall otherwise it's a tripping hazard (huh?), and no pebble mosaics because they kill people by the thousands when walk on (apparently, folk in Europe are more agile). Roland says, "Fence? we're calling it a pea trellis."

"Liz" replies that the plan says it's a fence which means she's looking at the original lost plan. Then she tells him that we can start anytime as soon as we pay for the permit.

"WTF! I was told it was a free permit!"

Well, apparently as soon as any hardscaping or structure goes in it's a $174 permit fee. However, there's no charge for planter boxes not higher than 5-1/2 inches tall or they're a tripping hazard (huh?).

Now we have to submit site plan number 3, sans the hardscaping, indicating strictly vegetation and topographical details of the mounds (and any planting boxes we wanted). And, apparently people getting out of cars can trample on any low, slimy, slippery vegetation, but as soon as you want to put down a harder surface for good footing, cough up the bucks.

The permit process is obviously a bait and switch operation - they dangle the free permit in front of you, but really, who doesn't add some sort of pavers, rocks or other non-vegetative product into their landscaping design!

So, after 2 months of this rigamarole where in limbo. The project started with noxious weed removal and we ended up in noxious government weeds. In defiance, I planted a zucchini. Take that, you parking strip Gestapo!

And I wonder why the viaduct hasn't been replaced or the 520 bridge expansion is taking so long, or where's the light rail? Silly me.

More to come on the SDOT plot...